Thursday, January 6, 2011

Peace in the midst of Chaos

  Music is a huge part of the Mills family life.  We all like music. I can't say that we all love the same genre of music but we seem to all enjoy singing loudly in the car.  Sean used to put the song "Chaos"by Mute Math on in the car and I remember hearing Nathan singing it at the top of his lungs- "Chaos!, Chaos!"  Little did I know that I would relate very much to this song in the next couple of years.

  I have always wanted to be the best at everything and if I couldn't be the best at it, I wouldn't try to accomplish it. I have had some rare moments where I have tried things out of my comfort zone thanks to my husband, but most of the time I stick to things I know well.  Lately, it seems God is trying to teach me that there is not a single area of my life where I am in control- He is in complete control.  This is apparent as I sit here typing this blog.  All around me is Chaos.  There are boxes on my floor; trash and keys and jackets and a hair brush as well as enough crumbs to feed people for a week are on the couch I am sitting on; dishes, lunch boxes, baby bottles, and mail are on my kitchen counter; wall hangings that should be on the wall are looking pretty turned upside down or sideways on the floor in our "fish room"; laundry is strung by the stairs with care; and of course children's music is competing with the noise of video games.  Everything is a mess!

  At this moment, even my career seems to be in chaos.  A job I thought I knew so well is proving to send me in several different directions at one time.  I am even teaching a Business Math class- those of you who know me, know this is out of my comfort zone!  God seems to be leading me in unknown places these days.   There are many things happening that just don't make sense.

 It all points me back to the chaotic moment of my father's illness and death. Everything that happened just didn't make sense.  Dad was a man of God that always found a way to impact other's lives and win people to a better relationship with the Lord, yet God chose to take his life at a young age.  I found and still find myself always asking God why He chose to take someone like this man at such a young age.

All I can say is something I remember my dad discussing with me, and that is that when things don't seem to make sense that is when God is really working to do something big in your life.  You have to find peace in the midst of it all and accept that since it doesn't make sense to us, God must be at work!  And his advice to find peace reminds me of another song- one of my father singing "I've got peace like a river" in the car at the top of his lungs. Like I said at the beginning, music is a big part of my life.  My dad's music reminds me to always try to find peace in the midst of my chaotic life and that is what I chose to do tonight.

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